it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
