Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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