I got chris browned last night
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
