So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
