and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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