The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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