Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
