You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
