Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
