There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
