Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
