I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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