Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sext me about skeletons
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Two words: nipple clamps
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