Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
