It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
