I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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