smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
