I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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