Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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