I puked a lego.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
