Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
