Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
