bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
