I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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