i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Randomize
