I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
