I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
