meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
