Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
