We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
