Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
