I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
