mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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