You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
