he puts the penis in happiness.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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