I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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