I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
