I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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