I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
