D3 body, D1 cock
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
