he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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