and you said cock pushups were impossible
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
