im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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