your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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