You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
