If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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