What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
