the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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