my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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