Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
