There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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