he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
