I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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