Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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