Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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